Моя сім’я – Армія

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Моєму доброму товаришу, прототипу героя цієї історії

Коли масивна металева брама військової частини у Старичах закрилася за моєю спиною, я нарешті відчув себе в дома. Кілька місяців валандання та переконування військових комісарів. Купа довідок, характеристик, дипломів і відзнак. І я таки в армії.

Мені – новоспеченому контрактнику, у свої 29 років, насправді було страшно. Як для людини, що не служила строкової військової служби – усі ці розповіді про нестатутні відносини – “дідівщину”, знущання, як фізичні, так і моральні, додавали особливого шарму.

Однак я свій вибір зробив.

У мене було два кардинальних варіанти. Коли в нашій країні почалася війна, я бачив лише два виходи із ситуації.

Перший – забити на весь свій патріотизм, виїхати за кордон. Мій давній друг вже кілька років живе в Берліні, хата, діти, робота і так далі. Не раз мене кликав до себе.

Ну і другий варіант – продовжувати бути активним та корисним для України. Я вибрав другий.

Я на той час добре заробляв, продаючи квартири у ріелторській конторі. Але бачучи усю цю корупцію в країні, а ще й російську агресію я зрозумів – майбутнє держави за Збройними Силами.

Лише армія, боронячи країну від зовнішнього ворога, може залишити нам незалежність.

Якщо відверто – мої співробітники із мене сміялися. У далекому від боїв, затишному Львові, із високими навіть як для столиці зарплатами, мої колеги не надто переймалися тим, як це все буде далі.

Але мені хотілося відчувати якусь стабільність і впевненість у завтрашньому дні. І переконаність, що лише військо зможе мені це дати, переважила затишний офіс та доларову зарплату.

З іншого боку – усі останні роки я був самотнім. Реально – мені було одиноко. Не те, щоб я якийсь там депресивний пацан, але завжди хотілося такого домашнього затишку. Відчувати за когось відповідальність, та й натомість мати надійне плече.

Забігаючи наперед – вже в Старичах, у 184-ому Навчальному Центрі,  за чотири місяці “курсу молодого бійця”, я отримав аж тридцять! братиків.

Без дитинства

Я ніколи себе не уявляв військовим. Адже любив свободу та незалежність. Армія для мене уявлялася підпорядкуванням волі, обмеженням дій та вибору. А я із раннього дитинства був самостійним.

Хоча –  дитинства, як такого в мене не було. У сім років батько розійшовся із матір’ю, і ми з братом-близнюком Володимиром поперемінно жили то тут то там.

Спочатку з батьком. Великий особняк. Затишний сад. І це неподалік центру Львова. Усе б нічого  –  та нова дружина батька і її двоє дітей додавали особливого шарму нашим дитячим рокам. Вікторія, звали, так би мовити “мачуху”, систематично витягувала з батька гроші аби влаштувати своїм дітям гарне життя.

Численні репетитори, англійська, великий теніс і поїздки на море. Це все було для них. Ми ж із братом фінансувалися по залишковому варіанті.

Згодом двоє дітей Вікторії вступили на престижні факультети університету Франка, у свій перший навчальний рік їздили на пари на нових авто.

Як не як, а мій батько добре заробляв, був одним із найвідоміших хірургів України, його постійно запрошували оперувати за кордон.

Ми ж із братом, нажаль за всім цим благополуччям могли тільки спостерігати – як у кінофільмах.

У третьому класі до нас у школу прийшов Андрій. Він мав виступи в актовому залі, йому було 24, хлопець із Пласту і агітував школярів вступати в цю організацію.

Це були дев’яності, перші роки незалежності, націоналістичні організації – були модними. Ми й записалися.

Їздили на вишколи в Брюховицький ліс, вчилися ставити намети, розпалювати вогнища, орієнтування на місцевості і всяке таке.

Перша наша із братом присяга на вірність Україні – була в Пласті – урочисто – в 11 років.

Вже у тому віці мені дуже подобалися камуфляжі, берци, усі ті військово-патріотичні пісні УПА.

Тоді ми з братом і вирішили – стати військовими. Сміялися, як в’їдемо на “красную площадь”  на танку із синьо-жовтим прапором.

Після дев’ятого класу – ми переїхали до мами. Вона була інженером, із двома вищими освітами, заробляла так собі. Але відразу сказала – мовляв, хлопці, живіть собі самостійно. Ну, малося на увазі, власним коштом.

Нам із братом не залишалося нічого, як піти на будову. Ми перейшли до вечірньої школи, а вдень тягали цеглу та бетонні плити.

Одного разу, у мене не було зовсім грошей на дорогу – у той день мала бути зарплата. Попросив у мами. Там якісь кілька гривень. Увечері віддам.

Було образливо – грошей мама не дала. Мовляв, твої проблеми.

Готували їжу ми із братом також окремо – мама жила своїм життям.

Одним словом, і дитинство, і юність, і молодість – були в одні ворота.

Брат іде в армію

У вісімнадцять наші шляхи із братом розійшлися – він пішов на строкову службу.

Ще до того, ми трохи тусувалися в одній патріотичній організації. Там пікетування різні, бійки. У одній з них я отримав травму голови, зашивали двічі – перший раз якось не вдало вийшло.

Тож у військкоматі мене забракували.

Мені було соромно – перед братом, пластунами, друзями-націоналістами.

Відверто, то я навіть перший – і останній раз у своєму житті пробував дати хабара – як сьогодні пам’ятаю, 600 гривень.

Це був 2003 рік – я стільки заробляв на будові за два місяці. Важкої роботи. Я приніс ті гроші майору Полякову – мол, товаришу, візьміть на “срочну” службу.

Одним словом, пройшов я ще після цього, обстеження у психіатра, і наркологічному диспансері, майор мене послав – нам калік не треба, так що залишайся ти із травмованою головою та своїми грошима на “гражданці”.

На перших порах брат писав довгі листи – уся ця романтика військова, там приказки, афоризми. Пісні різні, віршики. Потім, ми посварилися – він назвав мене “тряпкою”, і що “закосив” від армії.

Брат відслужив, потім пішов на “контракт”. Згодом трохи жив то у Києві, то у Польщі – коли почалася війна, був мобілізований, стояв під Донецьком, зараз знову за кордоном. Після тієї сварки, ми так і не відновили стосунки та перестали спілкуватися.

Одним словом, я залишився зовсім один.

Армійська романтика

Увесь Євромайдан я провів у Києві.

Почалася війна. Я знову захотів у армію.

І це вже була інша ситуація. У порівнянні із попередніми роками і моїми прагненнями стати військовим – уже реально стріляли, гинули люди. Усі ці села, що стояли навколішки, проводжаючи полеглих в боях.

Не знаю, що там сталося за ті роки із моєю травмою, але медкомісії визнали мене придатним. Я підписав контракт.

І по Йордану 2017-ого за мною закрилася масивна металева брама військової частини у Старичах.

Ця морозна днина раз по раз спливала перед моїми очима наступні місяці.

І в нарядах, і на стрільбах, і в бойовій частині, і в окопі на Донеччині, і в спаленому до тла селі під Попасною.

І жодного разу я не пошкодував за свій вибір.

Перший ранковий підйом о четвертій ранку. Я спав на верху (“на пальмі”), під мною – новий військовий друг Міша.

— Ми мотивовані високими почуттями, – любив він повторювати. – Адже підписати контракт та добровільно піти служити в армію в країні, де точиться війна – без високих почуттів просто нереально.

Міша мав сім’ю, двох дітей, гарну роботу, каже, що в один момент його все задовбало: оці постійні новини про корумпованих чиновників і можновладців, ті розкрадання на тендерах, і продажні депутати. Він задумався – а яке майбутнє чекає моїх дітей?

Каже, не захотів, щоб вони жили в такій країні. Ну й пішов до війська.

Як і я, покладає на нього єдину надію. На зміни, та майбутнє в країні.

У Старичах, за лічені дні ми усі поріднилися.

Ні, звісно траплялися конфлікти, там непорозуміння різні. Але ми усі були тут, із думкою, що невдовзі потрапимо туди, на Схід, боронити країну та захищати народ.

Цей такий момент розуміння побратимства, якось по особливому об’єднував.

Але до бойових позицій було ще, ой як далеко.

Натомість, попереду мене чекав КМБ – “курс молодого бійця”.

Мій перший командир взводу – молодший сержант Андрюха – був високим і педантичним блондином. Під його наглядом, я десятки разів перестеляв ліжко, а ще до цього – стройовий огляд, порядок дня. Одним словом, ми здружилися.

Перший наряд по роті  – я був днєвальним – не всипаний і злий – перемивав і перемивав туалети. Але якось пережив.

У Старичах мене прозвали “Юристом”. Хоча у мене за плечима на той час – лише вечірня школа, але на гражданці я трохи встиг позайматися право захистом.

Після Євромайдану, я десь зо три роки, паралельно з купівлею-продажем квартир, доклався до діяльності однієї львівської правозахисної організації.

Ночами сидів і студіював Кодекси та Закони, вдень ходив на суди, по дорученнях представляв інтереси людей. До нас зверталися здебільшого ті, хто не мали грошей на адвокатів. А ми відстоювали їхні інтереси задарма.

За той час я стикався із багатьма держслужбовцями, працівниками судів та правоохоронцями. І найбільше нервувала ота їх бюрократія. Це єдине бажання – знайти підстави та приводи, аби прогнати людину, і не виконувати свої обов’язки.

Натомість, коли я опинився у лавах Збройних Сил, я побачив зовсім протилежне ставлення. В армії набагато краще поставлене питання вирішення проблем підлеглих. Адже якщо щось трапляється у солдатів – це “зальот” для командира. Відповідно, вони намагаються цього не допускати. Тому є і порозуміння, і зв’язок солдатів та командира.

Напевне, мені дуже допоміг досвід мого брата. Ті кілька недовгих годин, які ми із ним бачилися, коли він повернувся із АТО, Володимир наполягав, що є багато моментів і випадків, які потрібно стерпіти у взаємовідносинах із командиром.

-Ти мусиш стерпіти, бо на тому командирі висить відповідальність за вас усіх, – казав брат.

Дні в учебці

В частині я багато чого для себе здобув.

Напевне, спершу із чим стикнувся – так це дисципліна.  У цивільному житті я не знав, що це таке. І навіть банальна – дисципліна харчування. Армія ж заставляє слідкувати за собою, не тільки за фізичним, а й за моральним станом.

У неповних тридцять я почав задумуватися про духовність. Щонеділі в частині ходив на Службу Божу. Складно буде повірити, але у нас в Старичах по неділях проводили й концерти.

Ходив я і в тренажерний зал. Чого – нормально – качалка і безкоштовно. Намовив мене тягати залізо Сергій, із Запоріжжя. Він говорив російською і надто дратувався від мого галицького діалекту.

Я ж натомість, його спеціально підколював – оці всі “мешти, пляцки, кобіти, файно”.

Сергію, як і мені, кілька годин свистіло у вухах, після наших перших стрільб із АК 74.

Від нього я дізнався і про другу валюту в нашій частині – “багєти”. Батони з сосискою. Під кінець чотиримісячного курсу ми спорили між солдатами на багети, хто краще відстріляється.

Із стрільбами – то окрема тема. Командири були на них просто завернутими. Нас десятки разів запитували чи ми все добре зрозуміли, повторювали, пере повторювали, втовкмачували ті технічні характеристики видів озброєнь. Я ночами то все зубрив – командири вимагали – мовляв, врятує вам життя.

Але найбільше мені подобалося, що люди, які вчили мене “життя” були не кімнатними теоретиками. Кожен із командирів – бойовий офіцер.

От мій командир роти – виходив з Іловайська і Дебальцево. Він десятки хвилин міг стріляти з автомата однією рукою, і вчив нас таким “рембовським” трюкам.

Ми його називали “Шеф”. Патріотизму – за десятьох.

У відносинах із ним зрозумів, що найбільше мотивує солдат на службі. Харизма і репутація бойового командира.

Напевне, складно буде повірити, але інший командир любив поезію. Просто зачитувався. Казав – допомагало в АТО.

Він міг сидіти у “Світлиці” (кімната дозвілля) і годинами цитувати Т.Шевченка, І.Франка, Л.Костенко. Ці рядки “ледача доля одурила”, “народе мій замучений”, “чи пожалів, чи вдячен був Пілату” – наш командир міг годинами цитувати. І якось зовсім не в’язалося воно із тими анекдотами, про відсутність інтелекту в армії, які на гражданці часто любили розповідати мої співробітники.

Звісно був у нас і свій специфічний сленг, приказки, там різна військова, так би мовити романтика.

“Ротний – тато, старшина – мама”, чи “є неділя, а є воскрісєніє ”(робоча неділя).

Найбільше ж ми не любили “ПХД” – “пі…ь хорошему дню” – це коли був господарський день, оці всі чистки і прибирання казарм.

Ну і святе для нас – то “балабаси”. Так ми називали солодощі, кока-колу, халву.

Час йшов, ми рахували дні до відправки в бойові бригади, сперечалися хто першим “візьме Путіна в плєн”.

День відправки –  це дійсно було сентиментально. Нас вишикували увечері на плацу, зачитали наказ командира ОК Захід. Плакали усі. І командири.

За тих 4.5 місяці ми дійсно здружилися. Ми просили один в одного вибачення за якісь конфузи в минулому, пробачали і мирилися.

Бойова бригада

Вранці в частину приїхав автобус їдкого яскраво червоного кольору. На всю округу з нього лунала пісня Дзідзя “Я їду, їду, їду”. Рижий прапор-водій, весело реготав – “заскакуйте, чуваки, їдемо додому”.

Так я опинився в 24-ій бригаді в Яворові. Якщо так наводити повну назву – 24-та окрема механізована бригада імені короля Данила у складі оперативного командування “Захід” Збройних сил України.

Велика, чиста і… безлюдна. То була вечірня пора, тихо пусто, всі на своїх місцях зайняті своїми справами, несуть наряди.

Я собі сказав – “це моє”.

Мій новий командир, чолов’яга під сорок, більше двох років з перервами провів в АТО, мав поранення і позивний “Батя”.

У цілій частині я жодного разу не чув погано слова за нього. Ми зверталися до нього із особистими проблемами, позичали гроші! “Батя” сприяв у вирішенні проблем, надавав юридичну допомогу.

Для нас він був зразком справжнього лідера. І зразок для наслідування. А ще він психологом. Оці його постійні “ви патріоти; тільки патріоти йдуть в армію; найбільші патріоти – то військові” – неабияк піднімали наш бойовий дух.

У 24-ій я познайомився з Петром. Веселий хлопець, часто телефонував дружині і бажав щовечора “добраніч” маленькій донечці. Я з ним ще двічі пересікався потому – спочатку в АТО, де я його обіграв на шашковому турнірі.

Ну і другий раз – коли його проводили в останній шлях. Пів року тому – в селі на Львівщині. Петра “дістав” снайпер в районі Горлівки. Його мрія звільнити Крим поки залишилася не здійсненною.

За місяць довели наказ –  я в списках на ешелон на Схід. Автобус-залізнична станція – вагон-дорога.

Їхали понад три доби. З наближенням до Донецької області люди ставали все більш мовчазними, і частіше дивилися у вікно. Хтось намагався заснути, хтось ділився із іншими чим мав.

Спалені села

Я заступив на свою першу позицію під Попасною на Луганщині. Ліс, болото, густа-густа темна ніч. Не видно було навіть своєї ноги.

І це відчуття пальця на запобіжнику автомата, коли чуєш ритм свого дихання.

То була неділя, почало світати, десь співала пташка – але якось так затяжно-тужно. Наче відчувала, що навколо війна.

Села без світла, обстріляні артилерією згорілі хати, дитячі майданчики, що заросли бурянами, погнилі абрикоси на деревах.

А ще, у перші дні, здивували атошні собаки – невід’ємна частина наших підрозділів. Інколи здавалося, що вони краще розуміють команди ніж солдати.

Я пригадую, як наша вівчарка завивала у зеленій шестірці під пісню “Вона” Чубая, коли ми гнали на повній швидкості селом прилеглим до сірої зони.

Я, водій “Шумахер”, вівчарка та мій “покемон” – кулемет ПКМ.

По вечорах, у лісі, командир любив пофілософствувати на тему переваг вищої освіти, і кар’єрних можливостей для офіцера. Врешті, за пару місяців він загітував мене вступати, дав характеристику, поставив резолюцію на рапорті.

Я повернувся у Львів. Армія в чергове дала мені нову можливість – здійснилася моя мрія, і я за пільгою вступив на заочне навчання. Відбув сесію, кілька днів відпочину – і знову на Схід.

Цього разу – Донецька область, Торезький район.

В ешелонах туди, я зустрів своє тридцятиріччя. Торт, на пластиковій кришці, куплений на збитій із дошок залізничній станції, був найсмачнішим у моєму житті.

Сафарі, баня і волонтери

Перша позиція – перший постріл ворожого РПГ – падіння в окоп – якісь миті секунди.

Я здружився із “Снайпером”. Він пройшов мобілізацію 14-ого, 29 блокпост на Луганщині, аеропорт.

Разом із ним ми влаштовували “сафірі” на сєпарські дрони.

Коли точилися бої, як бальзам на душу було слухати хвилю ворога:

– Что я здесь делаю, Укропы с американцами идут вперед. Нас всех накроют, – перекривляв їх “Морпєх”.

Він у нас був кухарем, і досить не погано готував. Складно повірити, але двічі навіть був шашлик. Їжі було вдосталь, лише от з молочними продуктами був “напряг” – а так – я від’їдався.

“Морпєх” був педантичним і вимогливим, тож задовбував усіх і усюди – аби нам вчасно підвозили продукти та харчі.

Окреме питання – баня. Особливий привід для щастя – чисте тіло.

Наша баня – це був звичайний бліндаж, викопана яма, там були витяжки, буржуйки, то все було оббито дошками і фольгою.

…Через два дні по моєму приїзду, стався перший масований обстріл нашої позиції. Я реально хрестився. Мені заклинило кулемет, був мороз, я його не ховав, і він мені напевне перемерз.

– Кидай, бери РПК, – крикнув “Полтава”.

Це були перші дні, ми ще не знали і не зорієнтувалися, місця де підлазять “сєпари”.

Після бою командир підбадьорював солдат:

— Ми захищаємо наших, ми на своєму, ми на рідній землі. Ви ще тут будете помідори садити.

Такі палкі спічі реально допомагали.

До наших позицій, по яких вівся вогонь було 500 метрів – і от туди на саме Різдво приїхали київські волонтери. На Валентина, ті дівчати надіслали нам сердечка, а на Великдень – паски, які ми святили вночі.

“Політолог” після обстрілів повчав нас, побратимів. На гражданці, він 22 роки відпрацював у школі, любив ту справу, тож солдати слухали його із захопленням.

— Люди втікають від дійсності. По різному. Але дійсність нікуди не дівається. І вона у нас одна – Батьківщина в небезпеці. Українське суспільство складає іспит. І саме армія є в авангарді рушійних змін, – жестикулював руками “Політолог”. – І ти тут на позиції думаєш про одне: як виконати завдання, зберегти своє життя і вберегти побратима.

Тоді я зрозумів, що на війні психологічний момент і настрой – чи не найважливіше.

Я не раз згадував у ті морозні ночі командира “Батю” з 24-ої в Яворові.

Оті його розповіді, що не треба себе видавати вночі, про режим тиші і маскування, відкрите паління, голосні речі та використання оптики.

Хтось повинен робити цю роботу

– Сьогодні будемо знімати прапор,  – сказав “Кишиньов”.

Це так прозвучало буденно і невимушено. Просто і коротко.

Наш прапор стояв в полі. Це був особливий орієнтир для ворожої артилерії і мінометів. І так, щоб розуміти, то поле повністю прострілювалося із сєпарських позицій.

– Ти не переживай, живемо один раз. Хтось повинен зробити цю роботу. –

Вирішили йти, коли починало темніти. Аби противнику було складніше нас побачити – зір ще не адаптувався, а прилади нічного бачення не можна включати.

“Марко” прикривав нас із автомата. Але відверто, якщо б у той момент сєпарський снайпер був на позиції, він нас б із “Кишиньовом” як в тирі. Йому знадобилися б лічені секунди аби нас дістати.

…Сьогодні я зовсім на інших позиціях. Але ту службу під Попасною згадую, сумую за нею.

І за тими місцевими людьми.

За Лєнкою, з Костянтинівки, яка продавала “балабаси”.

За Альною та Ксюхою, в яких раз на два тижні стригся.

За таксистом Вовчиком, який підвозив з недільного “увальнєнія” на сам початок лісосмуги впритул бойової позиції.

За вівчаркою Смужкою, яка проводила мене, коли я від’їжджав, більше 2.5 кілометрів, і опісля повернулася на бойову позицію.

І за товаришами – “Дубом”, єдиним двох-сотим за 3 місяці на моїй позиції під Попасною. І “Юріком”, якому відірвало пальці на лівій руці.

***************

Для мене армія – це родина. Це сімейні цінності.

Тут я знайшов те, чого мені не вистачало в дитинстві – сімейний затишок.

Ми по різному один до одного ставимося, маємо різні погляди – але ми єдине ціле. Ми – товариші.

Дивимося один на одного перед боєм.

– Ну що – пішли, – встає старший.

Зброю в руки, забуваємо усі сварки і конфузи. Ми єдиний механізм тут, ми неподільні і залежні один від одного. Ми Велика Українська Родина. Ми – Армія.

Тарас Зозулінський

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